Sunday, 26 September 2010

  • 愛情也要求存同異(article from yahoo)

    我們的字典裡之所以有「期望」(Expectation)和「現實」(Reality)這兩個詞語,是因為兩者永總存在距離。當社會期望2012雙普選,政府認為要先「起錨」;父母認為女兒要找個好歸宿,「三高」女兒高呼「愛情誠可貴,自由價更高」;傳統思想說「不孝有三,無後為大」,都市情侶則堅持買二人座位的跑車,這已足以證明,世界不同了,我們不再為不同種族、宗教、政見而被推上斷頭台或要浸豬籠(我依然相信人類是文明的),更何況談情說愛婚姻大事?當你和情人對感情的價值觀跟傳統價值觀不相乎的時候,你會如何處理?

    • 女性密友最近因為愛上年紀比自己少六、七年的男人而為感到焦慮:「我竟然跟一個像弟弟的男人一起,怎算?」
    • 「這個是問題嗎?」我又慣性地以治療師的口吻問。
    • 「我是很喜歡他,但身邊的朋友和家人太反對了!我想我要跟他分手,你說呢?」
    • 「妳跟他分手,妳會快樂嗎?這是妳想要的嗎?」我問。
    • 沒錯,自己的感情和社會價值觀相抵觸時,我們會陷入自相矛盾的壓力裡,好像有兩股對立力量在拉扯一般。在親密關係裡,這種「外界期望與內在價值觀不乎」的故事如恒河沙數,問題是我們是否懂得「求存同異」。
    • 找尋正面動機
    • 「求存同異」可引用身心語言程式學裡其中一個前提:所有行為背後都有正面動機。即不同的人來自不同的成長和背景,看事物和處理事情的方法必定有不同,但其實人做任何一件事,即使看起來多麼負面,也必有其正面動機,倘若我們能找出不同行為背後的共同理念或一些相近的正面動機,便可輕易打開溝通話匣。女友的父母反對可能因為認為年紀少的男孩沒有能力照顧女兒,這個想法背後的價值觀可能是:男人要給我女兒幸福。而從女友的角度看,她愛上這個年紀比她少的,可能認為他能為她帶來快樂,跟他一起沒有壓力等。從這個角度看,父母和當事人的觀點或不一樣,但細看之下,背後的動機都是正面和相近的。從這裡出發跟家人朋友溝通,相信很快會達到共識,也能找出大家都接納的方法。更重要的,人生是妳的,妳有權選擇要怎樣過妳的人生,別人只是給予意見。而權力也附加著責任,請對妳自己的生命負責,不要以別人的尺去計算出自己應怎麼活。

Thursday, 29 April 2010

  • 很久違了的青架

     

     

    ---要發大堆嘮叨的牢騷

     

    這樣就一年, 好幾個月未跟親愛的寶寶泉CARRIE LILY MAGIC他們聯繫,

    想他們想得發瘋了, 卻不會記起去TEXT/MSN他們一下, 細妹真不夠意思...

    何時會再聚? 天給我擠點時間可以嗎,

    回想起最深刻的也只不過是十多人拍畢業照後的飯聚...

    很討厭自己沒有時間休息, 討厭自己7天無休, 討厭取捨的局面--

    較2掌握的工作工時太長......

    我竟然擔心財政而弄得要把文字大量一吐而盡也未想入睡,

    即使到達頭重腦昏的神人地域...

    腦袋天天為著當天及以後的去打轉, 旋風地把所有都捲進去,

    無關痛癢的SPIN了出來,也散落地上零亂地躺著...

    日子過的有點太ROUTINE, 快死了, 天天都榨不出一滴空間,

    苦得要命…

Friday, 15 January 2010

  • 一坨沙拉吧 心情

    厚厚的酸 停滯 

    腦袋吃力向前推 轉不了半圈

    亂七八糟 盡收眼底 亦 不分明

    蘿蔔看似包心菜 土豆塊? 奶酪…

    埋葬著絲絲甘甜

    淡藍的黴鉤勒一片梨子 甜言蜜語呆成落寞

    目送流水湍湍 梨子沖刷成 苦澀

    水也難吃 黏稠 臭 喚起聞老師─那溝綠水

    醒目的大盤子裡 蜷縮角落 

    微斜 向廢物黑洞蝸挪

    痕跡是足爪 是蟹螯 費勁地不捨盤的世界,

    「噗通!」 一頭栽籮。

Sunday, 20 December 2009

  • 真係好mung

    可唔可以自己lum下先...

    我唔知, 我唔識, 我唔體會那種壓力與煩惱,

    因為我唔係你, I really dont know how u used to get along with ur mum.

    u said u feel guity... then please do something to get rid of that fucking feeling.

    I dont really see the delimma that u pointed out, I feel hurt, at the moment u spoke those words,

    sooo painful. hey come on, I dont know, mayb I m the one who did wrong and who think in a wrong way...

    u feel guilty coz u think u are not really doing by ur heart? not in good faith? or what? U dont feel urself is reasponsible enough on being a son?

    yes, u have to care about her! that's absolutely correct, but if u are not doing absolutely obeying what she expects, that means u are not caring about her, u are not reasponsible son? I dont see the point...

    I dont want to say anything on it, coz I am hving a sensitive role, I dont know what to say, ...but in the end, if u really feel guilty, just do something that could make u feel urself is a good son in order to get rid of that fucking guilty feeling...

    on the other hand, I dont want to say ur mum is having a wrong concept, but perhaps I could say it is not well-accepted in the modern society, sorry I dont want to make u feel I am critizising ur mother, coz I really respect her. anyways, I am not blaming on anything, I just want to tell u actually u need not to be feeling guilty coz u two has two totally different mentalities and dont put urself to fit ur mom's shoe! actually u are doing so otherwise u wont feel guilty, unless u are doing anything in good faith so far.

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

  • 好擔心, 好多野諗,
    好想見, 又唔想見,
    可唔可以即刻出現係我面前叫我淡定d, 放心d...
    我都覺得自己煩,
    點算, 真係好多野煩,
    呢一類既兩難好辛苦,
    我唔想失去,
    我第一次覺得自己好慘...

sk2so_hallf

  • Visit sk2so_hallf's Xanga Site
    • Name: SainClair
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/19/2006

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